Here's a short story about my dreams being crushed and why it ultimately turned out to be a good thing.

My first job in New York City involved working as a video editor at an electronic music school. My boss, Chris*, was not only a skilled visual storyteller, but also a music producer and the owner of a record label, which a music journalist friend once described as "exceptional."

One day, I mentioned to Chris that I wanted to learn how to make music too. This had been a secret desire of mine for 10 years, and I was nervous to bring it up with such an established artist. Chris asked me what I had done so far to learn, and my reply was, "Nothing yet, I haven't really found the time. But I really want to!"

His response? "Well, if you wanted to do it, you'd already be doing it. I have two kids and a full-time job, and I make music almost every day. Maybe you should focus on the things you're already doing?”

I was devastated. I had opened myself up, shared a dream of mine with someone I really admired, and he had essentially dismissed that I ever had a dream to begin with. The conversation ended there for us, but it continued in my mind long afterward.

Since then, I have become an established video editor, had two kids of my own, and produced exactly one song. Don't worry, you're never going to hear it. And after all those years of experience and growth, I also learned that Chris was right.

We have a finite amount of time. What we devote our time to defines who we are. It's not about what we dream of, but what we actually do. I am a father to two boys - not because I am their biological father, but because I dedicate time to raising them every single day. I am a video editor because I consistently create videos. And now, I am a software engineer, because I have finally discovered something besides video editing that I am willing to invest my blood, sweat, and tears into learning (and there have been a lot of tears!).

Not having time for something does not make you inadequate. I will never be a music producer, a designer, a basketball player, or any of the other things I love to think about doing. Recognizing that, and accepting that it's okay, makes me much better equipped for the things I will do and become.

\name has been changed for privacy*